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I want him to be better than me

I consider myself to be a pretty caring and compassionate person. I'm patient, tolerant and open-minded. But sometimes I make mistakes. I am not perfect and don't pretend to be.

I make mistakes and I hope that my son will learn from me and be a better person than I am.

This morning I read a post on Why You Shouldn't Use the R Word and found myself in tears at my desk. I am completely guilty of using the R word and I even have a pretty profound reason not to.

As a teen-ager, the word "retarded" was a regular part of my teen-angst ridden vocabulary. It referred to everything - my teachers, my assignments, my friends, life, my mother - all in theory. An eye-roll and a "That's so retarded" was common place. I never really meant the person, it was more of "the idea" of said thing that was retarded.

Lord knows my mother tried to teach me better. She'd make me aware of how often it came out of my mouth. She would tell me how horrible it sounded, but I didn't listen. She understood the hurt I was causing, but I didn't get it.

As I got older, the use of the word lessened, but I'm embarrassed to admit that it still slips out on occasion.

And there's no good reason why it does.....and a whole lot of reasons why it shouldn't.

My mom's older sister was born with a mental handicap during an era when it was PC to actually refer to people as retarded. It's an ugly term...and the fact that I know it's ugly causes me even more shame when I think about myself using it. My aunt is the most wonderful, amazing person. She can't speak, hear or talk - but she's funny and clever and more of her mind works than most people could imagine. Her quirks and sneakyness causes much joy in our family around holidays and celebrations. And I have hurt her. Not intentionally - and she doesn't even know it - but I have.

Through reading Tanis's post, I have seen the uglyness in me and I don't like it.

And I don't want it for my son.

We are already working on not using foul language in our house (it's not going so well) and we definitely don't want the word "stupid" being used. We're finding ways to say what we mean and use actual words that show intelligence and not lazy language. Because really, most of the time we use slang in place of other words because we're too lazy to think of something better to say. In our household, we're teaching "not smart" in place of "dumb or stupid". And I'm trying to say "That's so silly" in place of other words that aren't so nice.

Another word that I am extremely guilty of using OUT OF CONTEXT is the term "gay". I never mean it in the term of happy or homosexual, but instead to mean ridiculous, not smart or boring. I am publicly acknowledging that I want to work on this...and I WANT YOU TO CALL ME OUT IF YOU HEAR ME DO IT! It's rude. And to be honest, until a few months ago, I never really thought about how it was rude or who it was hurting. However, I am pretty sure that if someone used the term "That's so Erin" and meant boring or ridiculous, my feelings would be hurt. So why do I do it? When people make gestures or noises that make fun of people with mental handicaps, I get incensed and infuriated, so why would I use the word and think it's any different?

I was wrong and I'm sorry.

I want my son to be better. For him to be better, I have to be better.

I want to teach my son about love, empathy, the kindness of strangers. I want him to make smart choices and to be a person that others admire. I want him to be able to admit when he's wrong. I know as he grows that he'll adapt his own persona, his own ideals, morales and values - but as I teach him, as he learns from me, I want him to see goodness.

I want him to feel hope.
I want him to know how to express himself.
I want him to be thoughtful.
I want him to be intelligent.
I want him to change the world.

And I want him to be better than me.

– Written by Erin Lane, mother, wife and director of marketing at Scandinavian Child in Raleigh. Read more posts at www.motherhoodintheindustry.blogspot.com . Erin's blog won the Parent Picks 2009 award for best local blog for Raleigh/Durham.

Mom guilt hits home!

Last week I went to Los Angeles for a business trip. On Monday morning, I woke up, showered, finished packing and then went up and got the Bug out of bed. My sweet little man was sitting up, just waiting for me (or dad) to come in and sing his good morning son. I picked him up and felt it....that surge of sadness that I knew I couldn't avoid. I don't want to leave him.

It wasr three days. Three days of planning and strategizing with my fabulous PR firm. Three much needed days in a place that was much warmer than snowy NC. Love me some Los Angeles.

But I didn't want to leave him. It didn't help that he was all out of sorts with an 102 degree temperature, runny nose and glassy eyes.I had been sure we were headed to the pediatrician's office, but he was his normal, cheerful (albeit slightly warmer than normal) self. We drove to the airport (with dad as chauffeur so I could squeeze in extra playtime with the Bug in the back.) I stole 100 extra kisses and didn't even mind the snoozly nose. And then, I got out of the car and left it all in dad's capable hands. I love you baby, mommy will see you in just a few days!

I love the occasional business trip. But post-baby I like them just a smidge less. I get all excited planning the trip and then the day of....BOOM, MOM GUILT! I just don't want to miss anything. The Bug is talking more every day and learning new things. Like the other day - he whined for me to give him the plastic measuring cup off the counter and then promptly walked over to the couch and pointed up. Ok, up on the couch he went WITH the measuring cup. He didn't want to sit, he wanted to stand up against the back pillow. He stood against the back of the couch and promptly put the measuring cup against the potted plant....an action he had JUST seen his dad do the day before. I about died. My little man....just over one years old...wanted to water the plants. Totally amazing.

That's what I was afraid of - missing some huge milestone. Will he miss me? Does he need me? Does he wonder where I am?

It went by fast. I had two full days of strategery and then headed back home to NC to implement my plans and more importantly, for (what was supposed to be) a fun weekend with my hubby and the bug. But he got both my hubby and I sick as dogs. (That's another post entirely.)

– Written by Erin Lane, mother, wife and director of marketing at Scandinavian Child in Raleigh. Read more posts at www.motherhoodintheindustry.blogspot.com. Erin's blog won the Parent Picks 2009 award for best local blog for Raleigh/Durham.

JPMA Starts Safety Web site for Parents

Attention Parents!

The JPMA (Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association) has just launched a new section of their Web site, specifically for you, called The Parenthood.

Caregivers can get access to important information, recall announcements and tips on safety from well-renowned safety experts like Alison Rhodes.

Rhodes provides advice like her ABC’s of Safety:

Awareness is the most critical element. Babies begin rolling over, crawling and walking when you least expect it. While your child might not be able to roll off the changing table today, by tomorrow she could. Recognize that every child is different and be aware of your child's "vulnerabilities." Some children are natural climbers so securing heavy furniture to the walls might be the top priority. Other children are more interested in ingesting anything they can get their hands on. For them, cabinet and drawer locks for the kitchen and bathrooms would be more important.

Barriers are necessary to ensure your baby's safety. Whether it's installing gates on stairs or locks on cabinets, it's important that safeguards be put in place. Don't forget the existing barriers in your home. Home offices, exercise rooms and laundry rooms are no place for children. By installing automatic door closers and bolts at the top of the doors you can keep these areas off limits. Locks and alarms should also be placed on patio doors. Little ones can very quickly learn how to open a slider door.

Controlling your child's environment will allow them the freedom to explore while at the same time protecting them from hazards. We call them "safe zones." These are areas that have been secured and where your child is always within your view. We occasionally hear objections, especially from first time parents, that they want their child to be able to have the run of the house. This is risky as there are too many opportunities for your child to be out of your sight. Safe zones can be large enough to give your child ample room to explore and play while in a secure area.

Sign up now for a FREE membership to the Parenthood and receive important safety updates as well as have a chance to win some cool baby gear!

– Written by Erin Lane, mother, wife and director of marketing at Scandinavian Child in Raleigh. Read more posts at www.motherhoodintheindustry.blogspot.com. Erin's blog won the Parent Picks 2009 award for best local blog for Raleigh/Durham.