Tot tantrum trouble?

Too Many Tantrums? Expelled from Pre-K? Where to turn when you’re overwhelmed by your child’s “challenging behaviors”

It’s no secret that raising young children can be challenging. Every parent of a pre-schooler can relate to a child’s refusing to eat, talking back, doing the one thing you’ve asked them not do repeatedly (like climbing the furniture or slamming a door). But sometimes, these behaviors begin to interfere with a child’s socialization and learning.

Ten to 30 percent of young children exhibit what health and educational professionals call “challenging behaviors.” These can include tantrums, not following instructions, and showing aggression. Unfortunately, rather than helping children learn to better control their behavior, many early childhood programs expel these children.

In North Carolina, an estimated 13 of every 1,000 children enrolled in pre-kindergarten programs are expelled. When not addressed, these problems tend to continue. In North Carolina’s K-12 system, 216 of every 1,000 children are suspended. There may be lifelong consequences as well. Children who display emotional and behavioral difficulties (such as aggression) are at a high risk for underachievement, school drop out, delinquency, violence and substance abuse. So what are parents to do?

Take advantage of local resources, such as the Incredible Years-BASIC program for parents of children ages 3 to 6. The 14-week program, offered in 22 counties, gives parents an opportunity to learn about child development and behavior as well as strategies to better communicate with and set boundaries for their children.

“I really dreaded going to public places with my son,” said Diane Lee, a mother who participated in the program in Buncombe County through her local Smart Start partnership. “When the slightest thing didn’t go his way he’d spin out in temper tantrums and I didn’t know how to handle it. I was overwhelmed by his behavior and often felt embarrassed. With the help of The Incredible Years Program I learned useful tools that have helped to decrease his tantrums. I make sure to spend quality time playing with my son, teaching him to use words when he is feeling frustrated, and helping him to stay calm. I’ve been taught to look for the good things my son is doing and praise him for that behavior instead of focusing on the negative.”

Like Diane, many families who participated in the Incredible Years program felt differently about their child’s behavior after taking the classes. In fact, 48 percent considered their child’s challenging behaviors to be outside the normal range before the program, and only 19 percent felt this way after the program.

“The decrease could be two things. On the one hand, parents have learned, many of their child’s behaviors are normal forms of expression. It is normal for children to fuss when they’re tired or demand their parents’ attention sometimes,” said Emmy Marhsall, Family Support Consultant for The North Carolina Partnership for Children. “Secondly, the strategies given in the class have been applied at home, and parents are seeing improved behavior as a result.”

Families participating in the Incredible Years program learn parenting strategies that can help improve their child’s self esteem and socialization skills while also decreasing aggression. For instance:

• Parents are encouraged to foster problem-solving skills, cooperation, and self-esteem in their children through positive playtime with their children, showing empathy, and staying actively involved in their children’s lives.
• Parents can build their children’s social and thinking skills through praise, encouragement, rewards, and celebrations.
• Parents in the group learn how to set clear limits and establish household rules to promote responsibility, predictability, and obedience in their children.

All of these strategies work together to increase positive behaviors and decrease aggression and other behaviors that can hamper a child’s social development and educational success.

To find out if there is an Incredible Years program in your area and for other resources for families with young children, visit www.ncsmartstart.org and find the link the Smart Start partnership serving your county.

To see a video about the science behind the Incredible Years program visit http://www.incredibleyears.com/Library/items/media_466.htm.

– Written by Vivian Muzyk, mother of an 11-month-old boy, Communications and Marketing Coordinator, The North Carolina Partnership for Children Inc.

Keeping Babies Safe in North Carolina

Everyone said the first few months with a newborn baby would be the hardest; filled with sleep deprivation, diaper changes, and midnight feedings. And while the constant scrambling to meet his every need was a challenge, the hardest part of caring for my baby boy was the crying. Before having my son 11 months ago, I could never have imagined the panic, anxiety, and frustration I would feel on a daily basis from his crying.

Fortunately, two years ago, I attended a presentation about the Period of PURLE Crying. The program teaches parents about infant crying and sleep patterns as a way of helping reduce Shaken Baby Syndrome. Shaking is more common than you might think. A recent North Carolina survey shows that almost one in 100 parents of children under 2 years of age reported that they or their partner had shaken a child. At least 50 cases of Shaken Baby Syndrome are diagnosed each year in North Carolina but experts believe that a significantly higher number of additional Shaken Baby Syndrome cases go undiagnosed every year.

The initiative is a five-year test of the program that teaches parents and other caregivers that a baby’s crying will, essentially, get worse before it gets better and that this is normal development. Knowing that it was normal for my son’s crying to peak at 2 months rather than just get progressively better, was a comfort. They also offer tips for how to stay calm, such as putting the baby in a safe place, like the crib, and stepping away within earshot to breathe and de-stress. (Screaming into a pillow helps, too. So I’ve heard.)

Gov. Bev Perdue has proclaimed January the Period of PURPLE Crying: Keeping Babies Safe in North Carolina.The Carolina Hurricances have also joined the cause and will honor the PURPLE project at a Hurricanes hockey game on Jan. 30. They recorded a Period of PURPLE crying PSA as well.
To date, more than 5,000 workers at 86 hospitals and birthing centers in North Carolina have been trained to teach parents about The Period of PURPLE Crying. By the end of the five-year initiative, more than a half-million parents of newborns will have received training about the PURPLE program.

– Written by Vivian Muzyk, mother of an 11-month-old boy, Communications and Marketing Coordinator,
The North Carolina Partnership for Children, Inc.

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Tot tantrum trouble?

Keeping Babies Safe in North Carolina